As I have been enjoying seeing my friend’s Facebook posts on everyones first day of school, I have been scrambling to get ready for my daughter’s first day of kindergarten. I could hardly believe my daughter was going to kindergarten. We decided to put her back in private school and there is comfort knowing that she was going back to a place she already knew. She received her letter from her teacher Wednesday night, how fun! But I didn’t realize I missed her first day of school.

This week, my daughter and I created morning and night routines for her to keep all of us on schedule, we went on clip art for pictures to match the activity, ah yes, I am starting off the school year right, dreaming of me being this organized mom (ha, yeah right!). My friend and owner of BellyBum Boutique a sensory store for kids was having a Back to School for Sensory Kids Class. Perfect, I really want to start off her school year off right. While Tamara, the development therapist was talking about the importance of creating routines, helping to get your child involved to foster independence and autonomy, I am patting myself on the back thinking, “Oh yeah, check, did the routine thing” and “check, starting to do small chores such as wiping the table after dinner. Good job me.”

Then I get a text from a mom friend from school: “Hi you, we’ve missed Lilly at school. Everything ok?”

Me: gulp..wha? First I wasn’t sure who it was since my son decided to try and flush my iPhone down the toilet. I am using my husband’s old Droid which is foreign to me and I have no contacts. My mind started to race..No I thought, school starts next Tuesday, I am sure of it. I have the calendar up on the fridge, I know I missed the picnic but that was for the preschoolers and newcomers. Or was it for everyone? I refuse to be wrong, I cannot miss my daughter’s first day of school. I politely step out and call her.

Me: Hi Sarah? What’s going on? Did school start?
Sarah: *giggles* yes, it started on Tuesday.
Me: No way! Holy Shit! Are you kidding me? (I pause, did I just swear at my fellow Christian mom friend? Crap I did..and f-bombs are going off at myself in my brain)
Sarah: *giggles* yeah, but don’t worry about it, it was just a half day on Tuesday and a full day today.
Me: But I can’t believe this, I was so sure, I have it on my calendar. It is posted on my fridge! I am at a back to school class for sensory kids. I created a schedule with pictures…I have been trying to figure how to use Google calendar to streamline my husband and mine calendars…(as I am trying to explain myself that I am trying to be a good mom) and oh, don’t need a lecture how I am behind in the google world…
Me: “ugh, ok, well um, let me let you go so I can get home, thanks for checking in or else I am sure we would have showed up next week.”

Truth be told, we have been traveling quite a bit and going back and forth has been stressful on me and hard to keep it all straight.

So, I frantically walk in, tell my friend Ellen who what just happened. She laughs, says it is no biggie. I buy Lilly some sensory stuff for her first day of school as a gift, because I feel like a jerk, and she has no idea when she wakes up she is going to school for a full 7 hours. I buy my stuff and leave.

I am driving home and K-Love was on the radio. I have my hand on the door in complete disbelief at myself that I managed to miss her first and second day of school. I feel like such a failure, not only a failure, then I am going back the last 5 years in how I have let her down and I cannot believe she will be gone 7 hours a day, that I cannot make up those years. I was prepping for this for next Tuesday and have a Mommy and Daughter Day on Monday in the city. I began to think I have been working too much for nothing, trying to get myself up and running and a project I have been working on all summer for myself. I am a selfish mom, blah, blah. Then I hear a song on the radio that reminds me of her. It took me back almost 5 years ago, when she was just a newborn. I recall dancing with her to this song late night while my husband was in Texas for work. It is a calming song, I love the melody. The song is called I Am Not Who I Was by Brandon Heath. I remember thinking in this new motherhood moment that I am no longer the person I am in the past, I am a new mom and prayed that she’ll forgive me for my mistakes and I will do my best to be the best mom I can be for her. I didn’t know for what at the moment I was talking about, but I know now what I was praying for…

When I came home I rushed to the fridge to look at the calendar because surely IT was wrong not me. Ah I see, I was still looking at the preschool schedule…subconscious denial I thought.

So I told my husband…he tried to keep a blank face knowing full well I felt like a complete idiot for not paying attention. He calmly said, “Well, what do we need to do?” I said, well I am going to just clean up, get a little organized. Don’t worry, let me do it. He went to go workout and I called my mom. Even us moms need a mom, though she reminded me that we had to walk to school to go see the class lists and the start dates on the school doors. Ah, thanks mom, though she was like it will be fine. If she was going to a school she was not used to going too, it would have been different. I was beginning to feel better (after I ate some dark chocolate salted covered almonds!).

So I premade the dry ingredients to make chocolate chip pancakes for breakfast, got lunch together and made a sign for her to hold for her first day of kindergarten:

Lilly’s signature makes this sign complete! It will be fun to look back and see it as she grows through the years

Overall, it went off without a hitch. Lilly was so excited to go see her friends, she followed her morning routine and was proud of herself. I explained to the teacher what happened. She giggled and said, “Don’t worry, we thought you were all still on vacation. I am SOOO happy that Lilly is in my class!” As she picked her up and gave her a great big hug.

I know we made the right decision to put her back in private. The developmental therapist just raved about Lilly’s teacher, saying how she is such a gift to the teaching world and wishes there were more of her. I know she is in great Hands. And as for me, well if my first F in school was missing my daughter’s first (and second) day of kindergarten, then I’ll be ok too.